8 Benefits of Having a Terrible Toddler

8 Benefits of Having a Terrible Toddler | One Hangry Mama

Toddlers are monsters. We all know this. We don’t need another mommy blog regaling all the ways our toddlers terrorize us on a daily basis.

What we do need is a shift in perspective. Yes, your child is going to be a deranged lunatic for at least 2 more years, but let’s look on the bright side, shall we?

1. You’re going to get to know all facets of your child’s personality – in 5 minutes or less.

See, toddlers are basically all suffering from multiple personality disorders, and you get the pleasure of receiving all those wonderful personalities, rapid fire, with open arms (or from behind a barricade of some sort, if possible).

2. You get to add a new skill to your resumé: hostage negotiator.

You are now aptly qualified for this extremely difficult job after coaxing your toddler away from destroying all the things on a daily basis. In our house, the cat is taken hostage at least 3 times a day. The key is to remain calm, so as not to startle the baby terrorist into accidentally pulling the trigger (or the tail, in this case), approach very slowly, speak in a soothing, quiet voice, distract the subject with a shiny object if possible, and then snatch the kitty away to safety, as quickly as possible.

3. You will get to renovate your house in a few years!

Because your toddler is swiftly tearing it down to the studs. Get your Pinterest boards ready!

4. You’re expanding your culinary horizons with every passing meal.

If there’s anything toddlers know without a doubt, it’s the list of foods they refuse to eat. And even better, the list changes constantly, offering you an exciting new challenge with every single day. For example, I thought my toddler loved my Apple Cinnamon Steel-Cut Oats. He typically crushes an adult-sized portion of it for breakfast. But then one day, the mere sight of his once-precious oats sent him into a white-hot rage this world hasn’t seen since the Red Wedding. So I gave him a banana – unacceptable. Yogurt – foolish, mommy. Finally, I tried toast. Bread never fails. He proceeded to dip the toast into the oatmeal, ultimately devouring them both. See? I just couldn’t see his vision. He’s not a monster trying to break me down to my very core using only oatmeal and bread, he’s just a culinary savant.

5. You’re learning what your true limits are.

For example, a client emailing you at 9pm on a Friday night about something that needs to be done by 8am the next day is no longer your breaking point. You’ve endured much worse than that by now.

6. Your hearing is basically gone, after enduring constant shrieking and screaming.

You might be alarmed, but this is actually a good thing! You no longer have to listen to annoying things like the damn cat meowing incessantly, or your husband whining about not wanting cereal for dinner again or why there is another f*&%ing Amazon box on the front porch or whatever nonsense he’s droning on about this time.

7. You’re now bilingual!

Another point for the resumé. See, only you know that when your toddler screams “MAH MO MI MAH MO MI” {a real thing my toddler screams at me, on the reg}, he’s just calmly and politely requesting that you bring him more milk in the next 4.2 seconds, please, lest he start short-circuiting.

8. You know that he’s going to get his someday.

We’ve all heard it from our own moms at this point, right? “You should’ve seen the things you did at his age,” “Like mother, like child,” and the always classic, “karma’s a bitch!” So make sure you’re banking all these precious memories, so you too can bask in them 30 years from now when his own toddler’s head spins around and starts bashing holes in the wall. Sometimes you’ve gotta play the long game.

See? Don’t you feel better already?

Toddlers are a lot of work, and the terrible twos and threes are REAL, but they have some hidden benefits, too.

11 Comments

  1. Oh my god, this is hilarious! I love your outlook. I too have a “culinary savant”. I like it. I’m gonna tell the pediatrician that, haha!

  2. Have my 4th toddler now. We do the hostage negotiations over the remote with him, that was up way too high for him reach! So, I would add that you become an expert at bracketing shelves to walls.

  3. Way to be positive! Luckily toddlers to grow up and move on to new stages. Some which are fun, some which are…not as fun. Nothing lasts forever, both the good and the bad.

    • Ha! Your time is near… mine is only 16 months old, and the toddler terror is in full swing!

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