Cats

You’ve probably heard it all before: all the amazing and wonderful (and condescending) ways you’ll grow when you have a baby. The new light that will shine upon you, brightening your whole world with a new bounty of knowledge and love only known to those who’ve been graced with the title of “mom” or “dad”.

There’s so much wrong with that, I can’t even begin to cover it, but one thing that’s on-point is that you will learn a lot from your little bundle of poop and spit up. It just may not be the ethereal sense of enlightenment you expected. In my (very limited) experience as a parent, these are just a few of the very important things I’ve learned:

Dear sweet Kitty,

You used to be my baby. My everything. My whole, fluffy, little world. I swore up and down that that would never change, even when I was pregnant. I even remember saying, “I can’t imagine ever loving anything more than this cat… I just love him so much!”

Well, Kitty, I was wrong. I still love you just as much as I always did, but damn, you’re making it difficult. I know, we brought a new little hairless cat (more commonly known as a “baby”) into your home a few months ago, but dude, you’ve gotta get on board with the new world order. Unfortunately, you’re not at the top anymore. I’m sure that’s hard for you to wrap your little head around, but tough shit.