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You’ve probably heard it all before: all the amazing and wonderful (and condescending) ways you’ll grow when you have a baby. The new light that will shine upon you, brightening your whole world with a new bounty of knowledge and love only known to those who’ve been graced with the title of “mom” or “dad”.

There’s so much wrong with that, I can’t even begin to cover it, but one thing that’s on-point is that you will learn a lot from your little bundle of poop and spit up. It just may not be the ethereal sense of enlightenment you expected. In my (very limited) experience as a parent, these are just a few of the very important things I’ve learned:

Read More about Six Unexpected Things Your Baby Teaches You

A few months ago, a veteran dad pulled me aside to pass on some advice. “Oh, here we go,” I thought. “The ‘new mom’ sign on my forehead must be lit up, just begging for some unsolicited advice.” What I didn’t know was that he was actually about to give me the best advice I’ve gotten yet, and just in the knick of time.

Read More about PSA: Enjoy the “Golden Period”