Remember before you had kids, when your dinnertime was a cherished time to unwind with your spouse, catch up on each other’s days, discuss the latest world events, and just be connected?
Or – let’s be real – a time to eat on the couch, watch TV, and play on Facebook next to your spouse while you both zone out after an exhausting day of work?
Dinnertime with a toddler is basically the same as that, if you did all of those things while wrestling a rattlesnake. Not only is it physically exhausting you from its surprising strength for its size, but you’re actually afraid for your life because it could bite you at any moment. But at the same time, you and the snake both gotta eat, so you’re just powering through and trying to get at least half the plate of food into your mouths before one of you completely breaks (and we all know which one of you it’s going to be). Continue Reading
There is nothing worse than a sick baby. So helpless, so weak, so completely pathetic. They sleep all day, and when they’re awake, they just whine and groan, and there’s nothing you can do to make them feel better.
Oh wait, I’m sorry, did I say “baby” up there? I meant “husband.” There’s nothing worse than a sick husband. Continue Reading
Yes, yes, I know, car seats save a lot of lives. Our parents shuttled us around in plastic buckets in the passenger seat of their cars, and it’s a miracle any of us survived that. But that doesn’t mean car seats weren’t created by an evil sadist who wants to watch the world burn. Continue Reading
Do you have the next three days off work? Do you have a small child? Do you hate yourself? Then by all means… Hit the road this weekend.
I’m sure you have grand visions for this trip: showing your kid quirky landmarks, playing fun car games, singing songs together as a family… It’ll be downright idyllic!
Well go ahead and set that picture on fire because that’s a better representation of the fresh hell that awaits you on the open road. Continue Reading
Dear sweet Kitty,
You used to be my baby. My everything. My whole, fluffy, little world. I swore up and down that that would never change, even when I was pregnant. I even remember saying, “I can’t imagine ever loving anything more than this cat… I just love him so much!”
Well, Kitty, I was wrong. I still love you just as much as I always did, but damn, you’re making it difficult. I know, we brought a new little hairless cat (more commonly known as a “baby”) into your home a few months ago, but dude, you’ve gotta get on board with the new world order. Unfortunately, you’re not at the top anymore. I’m sure that’s hard for you to wrap your little head around, but tough shit. Continue Reading